read about my life...

Lately, I’ve been having very distinct dreams and I almost remember just about everything in what happens in my dreams. We usually have multiple dreams every night, but a person remembers at least one or doesn’t recall anything at all. Last night, I had the most scariest dream beyond belief, but it felt so real. It wasn’t like the movie inception where you can alter your dreams, even tho I wish I could for this one. But how the dream ended is what made me confused, rather scared. This dream was the last dream I had before I woke up…

It was the middle of the day or so it seemed like. I couldn’t really tell cuz I don’t remember seeing the sun in the sky, but it was clear light blue skies for sure. I was at someone’s apartment for a small party/kickback. They lived on the first floor of a multiple story apartment building. I don’t remember how I got there, but it all started on the balcony or the gated outside area which faced a busy street (the backside of the apartment which connected to the living room- it can also be used as an entrance). I was with 3 other people, a guy and 2 girls. I was taking random pictures of the scenery and of the group with my chunky canon underwater-type camerawhich was clinging to my right wrist in case it falls. (I originally wanted the canon camera in real life, but I got the Olympus one instead)We were all having a good time just chatting away, then all of a sudden, the apartment building on the left side of us across the busy street had a huge explosion in one of the rooms making this deafening noise and creating all the windows to shatter to the ground. Then the entire building caught on fire. We were all stunned and we didn’t know what to do. Then just a split second later, to the far right, off into the distance, a couple of miles going East, there was a nuclear explosion. I didn’t see it happen cuz I was still shocked from the first miniature explosion just across the street. But I turned to look in that direction once I heard the echo of the distant explosion come my way and I saw the giant mushroom cloud of smoke and fire exactly like the ones you see on television. The sky wasn’t blue anymore, it turned dark gray. Everyone started to panic, but noone moved. We all just stared in disbelief keeping our eyes on the ominous cloud of fire. I remained calm figuring out what to do next. 4 seconds later, another nuclear explosion went off in the exact same location, but this time I felt the heat hit my body with full force. Another explosion came 3 seconds later in the same location, but it looked bigger than the other two. Then another one came 2 seconds later, but even larger. Then more kept going off one after the other making an immense, more terrifying perfect spherical explosion. I took my camera and started taking pictures of it. I wanted to film it, but they were coming closer and closer to us in such a quick pace that if I tried to switch the settings of my camera, that I would miss all the action. The explosions occurred around each other in the form of a targetand the center of it all is the ultimate source of the cause and it cannot be stopped. I didn’t know what was going on and why there were so many explosions in so lil time. Then I finally figured out what was going on. “This is it” I said outloud. “This is the end”. I can’t believe that the world is actually going to end. I took my eyes off the terrifying explosions as they came closer at 1 second intervals and looked into the darkness of the living room. Even tho they were exploding so fast, everything seemed to turn into slow motion. I yelled out to Jim at the top of my lungs several times. I was so scared. All I wanted to do was hold him. I saw him going into a dark room at the end of the hallway with his back turned. It didn’t look like him from behind and I couldn’t see his face, but I knew it was him. I got so angry that he didn’t turn around or come to look for me, but maybe he didn’t hear me or he didn’t know what to do at the time. I was pissed off and scared at the same time. All my emotions started to let go. All I could think of is if he is trying to find a place to hide so he can survive the explosion or maybe he’s trying to find something to figure out the situation. I just wanted to hold him cuz I know you can’t survive multiple nuclear explosions. there’s no way to hide from it and you can’t do anything to stop it. I already accepted it.

I turned to look back at the incoming explosions and I saw people running frantically with tears in their eyes towards my direction away from the exploding clouds of fire. The group I was with ran out through the open gate in the balcony area where I was at earlier. Noone cared that I was still in the apartment. As the explosions came closer, I turned my back away from the perfected mushroom clouds, closed my eyes until all I could see was darkness, I dropped to my knees, and started to pray… “Dear heavenly father, I hope everything turns out okay…”

I didn’t feel anything as the explosions went over me. I felt lifeless and the noise was eerily silent as if I went deaf. As I opened up my eyes slowly, I wasn’t expecting to be where I was when I shut my eyelids. I was still here on earth, in the exact same very spot where I dropped to my knees. I was so confused. All I was thinking was how can I survive an explosion like this?! Why am I still here?! I got up and looked around. It was raining ash and everything was gray. I tried to find Jim, but I couldn’t find him. Somehow in my mind, I have a feeling that he was still here in the apartment. I called to him saying, “let’s get the most important things that we cherish the most and get out of here,” even tho it wasn’t even our apartment. I didn’t even know where to go or where to start. And then I woke up.

I was actually pretty scared when I woke up. The ending of my dream didn’t make sense. I expected to see heaven, but I was still on earth after all of the explosions. Was I stuck in limbo or purgatory?! Or did I actually survive the explosions?!

Do you think God is giving us a sign through our dreams? or he can’t control our dreams and it is us that creates our own dreams in our minds?! I know there are a bunch of interpretations of certain things that you dream up if you easily look em up online. But do you think there is more to it than what you dream of? What if our dreams is another life that we live in, but in another world. Just like the movie inception but not as intricate and it is actually real. What if our dreams is our afterlife? Or what if the waking life and the sleeping life are two different worlds and they somehow collide like deja vu or dreaming of something that actually comes true? There are still a lot of unexplainable things in life and dreams are just another story.

stop looking back in the past. it doesn’t matter anymore. we can’t go back and change it. even tho it does makes us who we are today. I can’t help not looking back in the past. I love reminiscing and replaying back all the good memories and accomplishments I have made so far. this is what makes me an optimistic person. I always look at the brighter side of things and forget about the negative.

where we are right now, all we can think about is the future. what will the future be like? where am I going to be in 10 years? what would I be doing then? the future matters significantly, but we’ll never know where we’ll end up if we don’t start making a difference now… in the present… stop looking at the past and towards the future, look at where you are now.

do something for yourself. make it count. and stick to it. never give up. pursue your dreams. live life to the fullest. live like there’s no tomorrow, but cautiously. enjoy the sun, the rain, every day you wake up to, every breath you take until you have taken your last breath. and hope that you will meet everyone again in the next life.

if you think there is no other life after this one, then you better make this life count. tell everyone that you love and care about how much they mean to you. don’t wait until the time is right. time is always against us. we’re selfish and we want more time. more time to complete deadlines, to make things better, to perfect our imperfections, to hold on to our loved ones before they are gone. timing is everything. don’t waste it.

decisions are another big part of our life. they choose the direction of where you want to go and who you will become. I don’t know about you, but I’m such an indecisive person. I try to think of the pros and cons of each decision before I thoroughly make a good decision. decisions are often followed by change. I hated change back then because I was content on where I was at, but change is inevitable and you just have to let it happen. I can’t help but wonder, what if I chose this direction/decision instead of this. like those goosebumps books where you can choose where you want the character to go, then you turn to this page to find out what happens to them. change is scary, but it may have a good outcome. even if it turns out not the way you expected and you hit rock bottom of the staircase, the only way to go is to climb back up.

life is a roller coaster. everyone has there ups and downs. noone is perfect. remember that everyone is not the same and that they deal with things differently. don’t forget to put yourself in there shoes and see how it is before you step in.

sometimes there are unexplainable things that happen. and we try to give a reason to it even if we don’t know if we are right or if we are wrong. this is where faith comes in. noone can take away or try to disprove your beliefs. they can state their opinion or give you advice or suggestions. but you don’t have to follow. stay true to what you believe in.

life is a giant puzzle where you have to find your own pieces and decide whether it should belong there or not. there will be many distractions and unwanted pieces, but you know yourself than anyone else. you can make a difference in yourself and/or in someone else’s life by connecting with their pieces.

the past is the history. the future is a mystery. but today is the present. a gift that you are here and that you have made it this far. there is a reason why you’re here. why don’t you figure that out and let us know…

soooo… i cut myself yesterday. by accident. on a freakin refrigerator vegetable drawer. yea i know what you were thinkin when you read the first line… i’m not emo. lol i accidentally closed my finger on one of those inside refrigerator vegetable drawers and i guess i tried to pull my finger out (while the drawer was enclosed on my finger-stupid me) and it scraped off the top part of my skin. lol wooooow… that sounds sooo bad. but yea, it looked even worse! without the bandaid… but i’m totally not gonna post that up cuz that’s just gross!!

so now i have a huge bandaid around my right middle finger! yea, it had to be on my middle finger on my right hand!! that’s like the most inconvenient place where i can get a cut!!!! so it’s harder for me to wash my hands and my face. i don’t even wanna think about the shower cuz i know it’s gonna burn in there!

but yea… now i know what it feeels like to be semi-handicapped. can you even imagine not having an arm or a leg?!?!?!? you’re gonna hafta change your daily routine and get used to using your other arm or not washing the limb that you don’t have anymore. i give props to those who can handle that!! like the guy from that movie “127 hours” that must have been tough to decapitate your own arm!! but if you wanna live, that’s your only way of survival! i dunno what i would do if i was in that situation. but anyways… we’re streaming away from the topic here…

i feel bad for those who are handicapped. and i’m glad that they get first priority on the princess parking even tho i would love to have one of those handicap permit thingys! do they have any other priorities?? ohhh yeaa… at theme parks they can go to the front of the line! that kinda makes me jealous and makes me wanna be handicap for that day in the theme park! but i wouldn’t want that for life. i think they should get discounted tickets on other things like food and stuff because that will make em happy since they are limited to do other things like not run and play and jump and lift things. yea… that’s pretty sad. so discounted food could be the key to a handicap’s heart! lol

you know i have never broken a bone?! i just twisted my ankle in basketball and i had crutches for a while back in middle school. it was fun because everyone treated me like royalty! paving the aisles to get out of the way for me! buuuut everyone else wanted to try my crutches! i have to say that i liked using crutches, but i wouldn’t wanna use em for the rest of my life. they really do hurt your armpits! lol

sooo yea… handicap ppl should get first priority in everything! unless they’re rude and mean, which probably is a result of being handicapped in the first place. lol

It’s hard to hold back your dance moves when you’re listening to pandora at work!

              .\!i/, ,. .,: ,!i//., . ,      ,
             -\'  _ `  `" `"' '"`' ''" ":/.\'!i/.

             >-  :,'     ,-'  .:   ._          /-
              `.   ..'..     .:.     '     .'. -"

               -; .'   `.    .;.            `  ""'
               ,:  :, .:      ;              ,\\'

              -;     "                      .;
              ".            0  0       ..'  ;"

              ':  `.      _.----.__   .''   -:
               =!  '`   .' (`""";  `.      ."

             .-"""-.    !   `--'    !  ,-`""''.
      _____.'  .'   ;___`.___/\____.'_:    .'  :_______

           :_      .'                 `._     ,'
             '""`""                      `"'"`
I wonder who took the time to put this all together?! That must have taken em forever!! 
I found this in my hotmail email under the old APSA emails. 
And it looked sooo cute so i decided to keep it! :)

I know it’s been a while since I’ve last posted on here. But now it’s 2011 and it’s a brand new year! Even though this year didn’t really kick off to a good start, there a lot of exciting things that happened so far like…

*spending new years in vegas with the boo

*my first time atv-ing, getting stuck in the bushes, popping a wheelie, avoiding a bee, getting major air on this jump, and going on the doughnut by myself

*starting up snowboarding again since high school (5 years ago), going to the very top of the mountain and relearn everything, going off jumps on the 2nd run, eating every jump, but landing 2 in a row!

*romantic trip to lake tahoe to see the beautiful snow in less than 2 days, ice skating, and sledding under less than an hour, and night boarding for the first time!

*clubbing here and there at wokcano in long beach, fluxx, and boudoir in downtown

*SDSU basketball almost being undefeated. I think they are 21-1 now, but not too sure.

and a lot of bad things happened also… like people that I know, but not really close to that have passed on recently and the drama with the fam. But you know… life is a rollercoaster and there’s always gonna be ups and downs. But you just gotta take on those obstacles and deal with it. Live life to the fullest is my motto!

Anyways… I started recently deleting emails from 2007 cuz I have over a thousand in my inbox and look what i found…

me and jim had another mini water gun fight :)

i woke up early to look at a house, but decided not to show cuz it cost way too much. so then i picked up ken padilla from the airport since his flight changed to an earlier flight from 3pm to 11am.

after that… hmm… oh yea… i hung out with andy nguyen. lol i havent seen that guy in forever!! first we went to osakas but it was freakin closed on a sunday. so then we went to chilis right across the street. we ordered water and left without telling our waitress cuz we really wanted sushi! lol talk about awkward… lol i’ll follow you to the bathroom… which leads to the parking lot! hahaha so then we decided to try tokyo sushi but they were closed too!!! ahhhh…. we both FAILED!! we tried one more place near the wal-mart and target on college ave. third times a charm riiiiight… we went to SushiMan or sushiyan cuz thats what i thought it was cuz the sign looks like it! we ordered a family pack just like this but smaller. we had to wait 20 min. so we went to wal-mart to chill and get kool-aid. we went straight to the card section lookin for a bday card for his sister. he picked up all of the monkey-lookin cards (“wierdo”) lol cuz his sister is the year of the monkey on a chinese calendar. then we went to the school supply section and saw this really cool paper cutter thingy!! http://www.3m.com/brands/scotch/cutters/index.html check out the demo!! hahahaa he opened it in the store and cut a piece of notebook paper!! lol i think ima get one!! and its not made in china… in the top right corner it says, made in the USA!! so ha! lol everything is not totally made in china just to point that out!! hahhaaha but yea… we left wal-mart completely forgetting about the kool-aid, got our sushi, and went to his townhome across the street! its cool… it reminds me of apsirho’s new bonillo place! we ate the sushi, met his roommate brett, tried Jones pure cane soda in cherry, and left! they both checked out my house to see if they wanted to rent it out… looks like a plus for em! then they left to get pho!

then… i decided to go to the beach with sean delizo, ken padilla, and jim antes! we went surfing for a couple hours and i caught a couple waves!!! we went to ocean beach/dog beach! it was a lotta fun! felt like i got a lil bit darker!! lol and now im tired… ohhh and the night before i went to a fantastic 4 party!! it is loan, vanda, and robyn’s 21st birthdaaaaay!! omg… i think theres like 100 pictures on my cam from that night alone!! lol check my facebook… i’ll post em soon.. ha! remembrants from that night…

-dan falling down after hula hooping-taking shots in the kitchen-taking jello shots in the kitchen-eating chips in the kitchen-vanda giving loan a lap dance-tripping over a curb in the backyard where everyone saw-dancing on the dancefloor-jen nguyen stealing my cam for half the night-dan coming up to me sayin im one of the best roommates hes ever had-hula hooping contests in the backyard-taking pics with ppl twice becuz i dont remember takin pics wit em before!!! :)

ahhhhh…. im still very new to this… but today… wasnt that interesting… buuut…

i hung out with one of my old high school friends because all of my other hometown friends were busy! i woke up late today… as usual… haha… and i had an eye appointment at 1:45——> which means im gettin NEW GLASSES!! well actually im fixing my old cool-lookin librarian glasses they dont look exactly like that but pretty close to it!! and im hoping to get colored contacts again!!! yay!! i like green and grey the best! but unfortunately i might not be able to since i have astigmatism and colored contacts could only reach up to -4 and im at a -6.75 or something like that… GAAAAAAHHHHHH…. oh wellz…

then i met up wit saulee at jamba juice in citrus plaza where i always used to kick it at! and it was so0o0o0o0o effin hot that my strawberry surf rider started to melt!!! so we decided to chill at and chill in the philosophy section!! then we split up and i went to  with my mom and got $1.50 hot dog and soda! :) then i went home, took like a 5 min. nap… (hahaha i got distracted by my phone)… then my cousins chelsey and celeste came home. we went to drayson center tryin to figure out what to do… met up wit saulee again, mark, and dong. went to saulee’s house afterward to watch em bbq. then went home and ate pancit!!!!!! mMmMmMmmMMmm… i feel fat! :O) lol now time to hit the shower… not literally… haha im such a dork sometimes!